For me, the single story is a personal and internal matter. Every person can determine for themselves which stories are explored and embraced. However, the concept of the single story has become particularly well-known through a TED Talk by the writer Chimamanda Ngozi. By the single story, she refers to the danger of a single, one-sided narrative that is told repeatedly about a person, group, culture or country, until that story is seen as the definitive truth. I do not disagree with her. If you frequently hear something about yourself or your group, there is a good chance you will come to believe it and act accordingly. I am perhaps just a little more optimistic about people’s ability to steer this themselves. I am also aware that my white male identity may influence my views on this.

But friend and foe alike seem to agree that clinging to a single story is generally not a good thing. It limits us, and the moment the story we cling to falls away, there is nothing left to fall back on. That is why our personal development training courses are also aimed at bringing other stories to life. That increases resilience; that is my firm conviction.

Until recently, when I ran a workshop for a group of people who had come to the Netherlands, fleeing the violence of war in their own country. Among them were several middle-aged Syrian women. All had children, and some were even grandmothers. They shared one story in particular: ‘I’m happy; the Netherlands is good for me, and my children are doing well.’ No matter how hard I tried, this story didn’t go any deeper. It almost became a mantra, and I was worried. Surely it can’t be good to cling so tightly to such a (in my view) superficial story? Moreover, I thought I could hear all sorts of stories behind it. What if…

Nevertheless, the ladies left the training session in high spirits and asked if we would be doing this again. If so, they would certainly be there again. Once the training room had emptied, I looked at my colleague Yahya. ‘Was this a failed workshop?’ I wondered aloud. But Yahya shook his head. ‘They found it really valuable,’ he said. ‘Perhaps this is the story they want to keep believing in.’ We chatted for a while longer, and I began to understand more that this story is probably what’s keeping these women going right now. They’ve been through a great deal, and now there’s a sense of calm. Exploring other stories disrupts that status quo – and do you really want to take that on when you’ve finally got a moment to catch your breath?

These women have changed my perspective on the single story. I still believe it’s better to construct your identity from multiple stories, but more is certainly not always better!